Why Being “Hot” Will Ruin Your Life

(coming from a former “awkward phase” middle-schooler)

I always say it: If you haven’t had an ugly phase, you shouldn't be allowed to be hot. The “ugly phase” is vital in cultivating your personality. The problem with a lot of “hot girls” these days is that Y’ALL HAVE NO PERSONALITY OTHER THAN BEING NICE TO LOOK AT.

Sure — you’ll attract a lot of unworthy men and attention, and sure — you’ll get the easy way in/out of things, but what kind of lasting happiness and true partnership will that bring you?

As a Southeastern European girl, I grew up HAIRY. 

I mean, I was that kid who had hair on her arms and legs before the BOYS did. Not to mention bushy brows during a time of the famous sperm brow trend. Sure, I always had naturally big lips, but no one was paying attention to those — just the little mustachio I later had to learn to deal with. All that PLUS I had the eyesight of an 80-year-old woman and had to wear glasses with a prescription so high, that all you could see in my frames were my eyeballs.

Luckily, it turned out great because now natural bushy brows are in and I’ve got a head of hair high-fiving my arse (don’t worry, the fuzz above my lip is long gone). I also corrected my eyesight (for the most part).

Regardless, at one point it SUCKED. It sucked bad.

So how did I get my glorious personality? 

Me in 2011 wishing I looked like Taylor Swift lololol.

There was a point in my earlier life when I didn’t get male attention/validation, and growing up with daddy issues, the lack of male attention only made my self-esteem issues worse. I was shy AF, could not talk to boys, and got relentlessly bullied. I saw the pretty girls in middle school getting asked to dance by a million boys while I stood there desperately hoping someone, just ONE person, would ask me to dance. It didn’t happen, lol.

BUT I learned to dance the night away (shoutout to my fellow hairy sis, Dua Lipa) with my friends instead and I wouldn’t change a thing. 

In some ways, I grew up very free because of this. I didn’t feel the need to impress boys and I just got to be a goddamn kid (something I don’t see happening these days). Growing up with my self-esteem issues helped me gain compassion and empathy for those around me. I always sought after the outcasts to make sure I made them smile or stood up for the kids getting bullied once I gained a bit of a backbone.

Sit back, relax, and f**king laugh, dude.

You know what they say: if you’re ugly, you’ve gotta at least be funny.
One of the most important things I learned during that time was to find humour in the hard times or poke fun at my unfortunate experiences. I wanted to make others laugh and to be able to laugh at myself because of how I felt. One of the best pieces of advice I can give anyone is to not take yourself or your life so seriously.

If you trip and fall in public, laugh at yourself; if you wave to the person who wasn’t waving at you, laugh at yourself; if you try to pose sexy for an IG pic, laugh about how ridiculous you are after. People will like you more for it and YOU will like you more for it. 

My time for boys would come and this phase of my life helped me build character. 

Then on one sunny afternoon, she got pretty. 

When I was 15 and beanies were the epitome of “cool but mysterious.”

When I got to high school, my mom forced me to take a drama class so I could build my confidence (shoutout to you mommy) and then I got my first boyfriend, which skyrocketed said confidence. Toward the middle-end of high school, puberty was FINALLY starting to treat me well.  

By the time I got to college, I started getting attention. A lot of it. I didn’t know what to do with all of it and even the f*ckboy all the girls wanted fell in love with me (which definitely was NOT a flex, trust me lol). 

I thought I had to do what the other pretty girls did in college SO I started posting “thirst traps” and going after male attention which was very much not who I was at my core.

Yeah, I got the IG likes, the DM’s, and the attention at bars but I was NOT happy inside. I may have been “hot” for the first time but I had never been more depressed in my life.  Just look at my face in ANY of my pics from this time and you can see the dark cloud hanging over me.

The Temptation of OnlyFans:

The pressure/glamorization of an attractive woman objectifying herself is very real; our faces and bodies are pretty much all we’re reduced to. It doesn’t just have to be OnlyFans, it’s all over Instagram and YouTube — it’s all over the media.

I once felt the pressure of starting an OnlyFans when I saw that almost every single attractive young woman during the pandemic was starting one. I don’t hold judgment over people choosing this lifestyle, I just want to see a higher number of attractive women using their intellect and skillset to progress in life. 

Luckily, I started realizing the mental toll getting that temporary dopamine hit from a bunch of likes on a sexy photo was taking on me. I started realizing that the kind of attention I was receiving wasn’t actually making me feel good and that I wanted to attract attention for my heart and mind.

Everything’s too easy when you’re pretty.

Getting dates is too easy and it sets you up for failure when a good portion of these men want you to be their girlfriend for arm-candy. These men want to possess you and show you off so you have to be uber-selective about the ones you choose. Worse — predators think that because you’re nice to look at, it gives them a free pass to grab your bare butt under a skirt on the subway in front of everyone.

Yeah, you can get free drinks at bars, get out of trouble, get on the bus for free when your Presto card runs out, get promoted, etc. The issue with this is that it’s never a good thing to get things handed to you in life (I’ve learned this the hard way). How else do you grow and garner strength? We ain’t gonna be pretty forever, guys. 

Another downfall of “pretty privilege” is that you never know when you’re getting taken seriously; you never know when someone values you for your mind or for your body. I’ve encountered this situation several times where I thought someone wanted to help me advance in an area of interest only to learn it came with a price of some sort. This is why I left the music business lol.

How are you going to attract the right kind of friendships, relationships, and jobs if you lead with your desirability?

Okay Alexa, so how do I break the “pretty” curse?

My mom always told me, “just because you’re beautiful, it doesn't make you special. There are millions of beautiful women, so be a beautiful person too.” She was so right and she always reminds me of this.

Let your wonderful personality shine. Instead of SOLEY posting pics in your fancy coat with your fancy designer purse at a fancy bar, post simple, silly, or meaningful things too from time to time. Share your thoughts, feelings, philosophies, and humour. Take a course! Expand your mind. Be kind, gracious, and loving and remember: DON’T TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY ALL THE TIME. 

You want to lead with who you are at your core, not your face. I had to learn my true value over time and the only real thing that taught me this was the mistreatment from others despite being an attractive woman. Being pretty means nothing at the end of the day; your value is YOU. Your heart and mind are your best assets so remember to share the woes and wonders from within.

I am not perfect and still fall to the temptations of online attention sometimes but as long as we’re aware of it, and don’t obsess over it, we’re okay. There’s nothing wrong with dressing sexy, feeling sexy, or being sexy; just make sure it’s true to you and that you’re NOT doing it for validation. Anything in a healthy dose is acceptable.

And if you don’t have a personality, for the love of god, just shave off your brows and go get one.

:)

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