A Season of Solitude (PART ONE): Why I’m CHOOSING To Be Alone Right Now.
A season of solitude doesn’t have to be so scary. If you do it right, it can actually be one of the most liberating experiences you’ll go through.
By constantly running away to be saved, you end up running into a new mess that you inevitably find yourself running from in the end, repeating the cycle … again.
Well, I decided I wanted to break that cycle and to do so, I had to face a COLD truth.
So I admitted it to myself: I’m a runner.
During the process of finding myself single again and back to square one, I decided I was going to finally take the time to reflect on myself and ALL of my relationships. While reflecting on the start of my last relationship, I realized I was running from myself and my heartbreak toward someone else.
For countless years, I’ve been scared of my own thoughts and feelings — scared of my own demons. I’ve always been a runner and I had to finally face my lonesome reflection and come to terms with WHY I’ve done that for most of my life.
It’s quite simple yet ironic: I’ve been terrified to be alone.
I wasn’t a whole person.
Growing up, I had deep self-esteem issues which made it difficult for me to regulate my emotions. I looked to my mother for validation, who was raising me mostly on her own. We were extremely close and I always had her validation so when I left the nest and was on my own for the first time, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
After going through a very dark period during my early 20s, I was petrified to be left to my own devices when I was lonely. I sought love and attention as an escape from my feelings and I depended on others for my happiness. I think this is something MOST people can relate to.
Unfortunately, this will oftentimes lead you to the wrong people.
Two halves don’t make a whole because if one half is running empty, the other is left suffering.
To find yourself a healthy and stable partnership, it’s vital that you first know how to self-soothe, regulate your emotions, reflect inwards and heal on your own time.
Now, I’m not saying that you HAVE to heal your trauma on your own and be completely whole before getting into a relationship, I’m saying that you should know HOW to be whole on your own (or have experience doing so).
However, I do believe for a relationship to survive, at least one-half of the partnership needs to be whole (for the most part) so that there’s a balance during those tougher seasons.
I’ve realized that I don’t want to put that burden on someone (not that loving a broken person should be a burden) so during this time of isolation, I decided I’m going to learn HOW to be whole so that I can love and be loved properly.
The answer? Yep, you guessed it: Solitude.
But when I say solitude, I mean REAL solitude. I mean deleting the dating apps, not going on dates until you’re HEALED and READY, not talking to “potential suitors” that don’t go anywhere, not seeking validation from others, not desperately trying to find a last-minute date for Valentine’s Day, none of it. Just chill the hell out — you won’t be alone forever.
It’s SO hard not to give in to the temptations of unhealthy distractions and I won’t lie, I’ve slipped up a few times. It’s okay though — that’s part of the journey, my friends. Failure is step one to true discovery.
If you can find the strength not to give in to those unhealthy distractions, you can begin your season of solitude.
Stay tuned for the exact steps to take in PART TWO of, “A Season of Solitude” coming next week.
